Couples Therapy for Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution in Raleigh and across North Carolina
Gottman Method Communication Skills & Techniques for Conflict Resolution
Gain skills to listen actively and understand your partner. Navigate conflict with tools for repair and create solutions together. Identify preferred way to apologize and make amends.
Learn to Repair during and after Conflict
The same fight. Again.
If you find yourself fighting about the same topic with your partner, this may be a sign to dig a bit deeper.
For example, a couple often has fights about their monthly budget, specifically how they spend and save money. On the surface the discussion seems to be about dollars and cents. However, the conflict is not really about that. It is about the significance and underlying values of money to each of them.
Always Listen First
Communicate using ATTUNE
This cartoon by The Oatmeal demonstrates the most important aspect to communication, which is active listening with the intent to understand your partner's needs.
Gottman Method's ATTUNE (awareness, turn toward, tolerance, understanding, non defensive listening, empathy) framework outlines fundamental components to help you listen to understand your partner before anything else, including problem-solving.
Though active listening may seem easy on paper, in practice this skill may look a bit different. Your counselor can provide guidance on ways to stay focused and engaged with your partner as they speak.
become a couple who can navigate conflict
Fight Better using Gottman Method Communication Techniques
- Understand whether your partner wants to be heard, helped, or hugged
- Recognize signs of physiological and psychological flooding and take breaks to self-soothe
- Gain techniques that move you and your partner past gridlock and into compromise
- Repair during a challenging conversation to prevent the discussion from going sideways by expressing emotions, apologizing for mistakes, and acknowledging appreciation for your partner
- Connect personal values and dreams to topics that bring up continued arguments
Protect your relationship from hurtful statements
Complaints versus Criticism and Contempt
Do you experience hostile humor, dismissive remarks, or insults that attack who you are as a person? Is there sarcasm or cynicism woven in?
Unfortunately, over time criticism and contempt within relationships can corrode the connection and lead to its demise.
Before you can safeguard your relationship against these damaging factors, you need to understand and identify complaints, criticism, and contempt.
Look at each statement below and see if you can identify whether it is a sign of a complaint, criticism, or contempt.
- I am irritated that you did not pay the water bill.
- You are just the worst with the kids.
- You stupid idiot!
Fortunately, you and your partner can learn in couples therapy how to spot harmful expressions and use countermeasures to guard the health of your relationship.
additional benefits from couples therapy
Expression of Individual Needs
Not only will you and your partner gain tools to work through conflict, you will have the ability to state your personal needs confidently. This eliminates any guesswork from your partner and ensures your relationship can meet those needs.
Through clear communication, coupled with the art of compromise, you and your partner can have a thriving relationship.
Growth in Intimacy
From understanding the core fundamentals of communication, such as summarizing your partner's content and putting away digital devices, you and your partner can continue to build intimacy with each other.
For example, open-ended questions remain a hallmark of active listening. Through using questions that invite an answer beyond yes or no, you invite the opportunity for emotional and intellectual intimacy in the relationship.
Communication skills gained in couples counseling in Raleigh
Preview of Select Gottman Method Techniques
Based on your couples therapy goals, you and your partner will receive a customized, recommended list of communication skills. This can include tools for de-escalating conflict, combating the Four Horsemen, and working through gridlock on solvable problems.
Art of Compromise
- Define your areas of flexibility and inflexibility around a specific solvable issue
- Uncover your partner's point of view, digging into the story behind their absolute musts
- Tap into your ability to yield to win to help achieve a mutual and beneficial compromise with your partner
ATTUNE / Active Listening
- Take turns with your partner to be in the listener and speaker roles
- Understand ATTUNE, a handy acronym to help you be present in any conversation
- Ensure both partners' perspectives and understanding of any situation have been fully communicated
Softened Start-ups
- Own your experience and skip placing blame and responsibility on others
- Use a conversation framework built on I-statements that focus on your personal experience
- Pinpoint or work towards a positive need, inviting collaboration around solutions
Adapt Communication Skills to Your Relationship
Customize these Textbook Methods to You and Your Partner
Common feedback from couples after learning Gottman Method communication skills:
- Seems clunky
- Feels direct and demanding
- Comes off unnatural to us
Yes, these points are completely valid and makes absolute sense!
While the science of counseling provides framework for couples to follow, the art of counseling guides couples to shape them into their own.
For example, a couple did not like being very specific about a positive need (aka behavioral outcome) in their softened start-ups. Their adaptation resulted in asking their partner for their input through an open-ended question. Another couple opted to open up their softened start-up with a point of gratitude.
With your couples counselor, you and your partner can adjust Gottman Method communication techniques to suit your relationship's character and needs.
A Complimentary Communication Guide
Free Interpersonal Communication Booklet
- Provides tips, examples, and additional considerations for the various Gottman Method communication and conflict resolution techniques introduced in counseling
- Features realistic practice scenarios to help you understand and implement the skill on your own
- Allows you to stay focused in couples counseling without having to take notes
assess the overall health of the relationship
Gottman Method Sound Relationship House
Though learning and implementing new communication skills may be the focus for couples therapy, other aspects of the relationship may contribute to the fighting. With the framework of the Sound Relationship House, we can identify and address these areas, too.
Developed by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, the Sound Relationship House consists of nine important parts of a healthy, thriving relationship. This was developed using over three decades worth of research and information studying couples who were the masters and disasters of relationships.
Trust and Commitment comprise the walls of the home, the foundation that everything else in the relationship builds on. The three elements from floor level--Build Love Maps, Share Fondness and Admiration, and Turn Towards Instead of Away--comprise the couple’s friendship.
During the assessment phase of therapy, we will identify areas of your relationship that are flourishing and work on those that need strengthening.
LEARN MORE ABOUT GOTTMAN METHOD, A PROVEN COUPLES THERAPY APPROACH
Meet Doctors John and Julie Gottman, Founders of Gottman Method
ABOUT THE COUPLES THERAPY COUNSELOR IN RALEIGH, NC
Invested in Gottman Method
Janice specialized in a couples therapy approach that delivers tangible results and creates long-lasting relationships. She has seen firsthand the improvement and change in relationships after couples applied Gottman Method techniques.
Background
- Completed Gottman Method Level 1 training
- Finished training for Gottman Method Treating Trauma and Affairs
- Started and in progress of finishing Gottman Method Level 2 training
Ready to communicate better and handle conflict with your partner?
Schedule a free, 15-minute video consultation with Janice, a Gottman Method trained counselor.